This piece appeared on TwoFiftyOne.
I am honoured and grateful that so many of you could come to my daughter Connie’s wedding. How wonderful to see so many old faces on the proudest day of a father’s life. Warmest thanks also for your thoughtful gifts.
To those who paid me a personal visit in the parlor, I know I promised any favor on the day of my daughter’s wedding, but I must bemoan the lack of imagination on show. A solid 80% of you just wanted me to have the living crap beaten out of your dentist, florist or doula. What do you take me for?
Now, to those who made reasonable requests - thank you. Please see my responses below:
- Don Francisco, I can read your screenplay but I can’t give notes.
- Don Rickles, your wish I can grant. I forgot to ask if you take sugar.
- Gabriele, my short answer is yes. Just give me a day and a time. We’ll also need a forklift.
- Ricardo, you can borrow it, but I'll need it back in time for Halloween.
- Roberto, I can give a soft yes but I'll need to check with my podiatrist first.
- Dario, yes I do know Jane Fonda but frankly I'm uncomfortable passing that on.
- Little Martin, my sincere apologies but I forgot your question. Also, I broke your air fryer.
- Johnny Boy, my answer is yes. Always. But not on the Sabbath.
- Stefano, I think you have the wrong guy. You want Don Mattingly.
- Carmela, I’d love to help but I’m banned from practising dentistry in this state.
- And Frank, for the last time, I’m not beating up Mr Allen for you. That creep is like, five-six. Do it yourself.
Again, wonderful to see you all. Stay well and hopefully see you all at Halloween.
Sinceramente,
Don Corleone