Sassy tweets from the East India Company corporate account


Hey besties, just established a monopoly of trade in the East Indies. AMA

Whoever facilitated the #Opium epidemic in China definitely understood the assignment (jokes, it was us!)

Saturdays are for the boys… a whole unregulated private army of them

We’re HIRING! If you like pizza for lunch, drinks in the office, casual Fridays and enhanced interrogation methods, drop us a line!

We’re so #Proud of all our #Multicultural staff working around the clock for free. If you’d also like to join our squad, don’t move! we’ll find you

No one:
Absolutely no one:
British Parliament: calls for an official investigation into the “widespread” and “horrific” claims of “torture” of “people” in India

Anyone else see that #MadrasTortureReport? Lol, ok then… 

Hi, I’m Jeff, a real, human East India Company intern taking over the account today. You don’t seriously believe what you read in the Madras Torture Report do you?

It’s time for our Tuesday giveaway! This week’s prize is the Eastern Province of India. Fav & RT to win!

Girls don’t want boys, girls want crippling reparations from peasant farmers

Hi @EmperorAlam, sorry to hear that you're unhappy with our occupation. Could you please DM us with the issues you're having? ^EIC

So… um, that just happened… #SepoyMutiny1857

Hi, Jeff again. Let’s get real about the rumors that the East India Company has been abolished following some rebellion in India. Y’all jealous! Try again, sweetie.

Reader, despite the best efforts of its impudent interns, the East India Company was formally dissolved in 1874. Their tweets stand among the very worst of their crimes, ageing worse each passing year.